THE OBVIOUS AUNTY

The Incredible Sulk has come across many a strange species on his travels that took him to the nooks and crannies of Andheri East. On many of these voyages I have sought to document these strange species and today I seek to bestow my knowledge upon thou of that most fearsome of species, "The Obvious Aunty."

Now the Aunties I allude to here have nothing to do with aunties related to me by a bond of blood (a bond they no doubt curse), for any aunty related to me by blood has a tendency to whack one on the head, if one gets too obvious. Older people look at The Incredible Sulk and shake their head, offer their pity and say, "he must have been dropped on his head when he was a baby." But the asses are sadly mistaken. The result of The Incredible Sulk's idiotacy is because of one too many whacks on the head from the steel arms of aunties related by blood.

No, no the Aunties I refer too are the type that go "tsk tsk" at the immoral youth of today and tell couple off for holding hands before marriage. That sort of aunty. Let me give you an example of a specimen of this sort of aunty that I happened to come in contact with. Picture if you will, an ATM. And a long line that leads to the ATM. An Obvious Aunty stands behind the Incredible Sulk. One of the ATM machines has a sign on cardboard that says "Out of Order." Obvious Aunty looks at said sign, then at long queue and remarks, "That's going to cause some problems."

Quite brilliant Aunty. Sherlock friggin Holmes and his emasculated assistant Dr. Watson would not have seen that coming. Oh NO Aunty, you're powers of observation far exceed that of Ms Marple's. I'm sure you'd go to an F1 race and say something like, "They are going so fast no?".

Or maybe you're the type that likes to say, "Now they won't win," when India need 45 runs of the last ball in a World Cup final. Oh! How the blood boils Aunty, how the blood boils.

You're the type that thinks Justin Bieber MIGHT be a girl when the rest of the civilized world knows otherwise. And yes Aunty, there is no small chance that Rebecca Black could be less obvious than you...and that's really saying something. Because this is the girl who had a rather Eureka moment when she realised that Saturday, did infact, come after Friday.

I see you cowering in fear. I did too when I was first faced with an Obvious Aunty. Rather like Livingstone when he was being mauled by a lion or tiger or Teletubby or some such heinous creature in the jungles of Africa. The thing to do, when faced with an Obvious Aunty is be completely random. For nothing but Utter Nonsense will stave off an Obvious Aunty. For example when she remarks needlessly about the traffic when your bus has moved 5 inches in 2 hours, greet her with a, "I wonder what time I will reach Germania and whether the 12th moon of Romulus will be housed safely in a Moratarium."

Unless of course you meet the sub-species of the Obvious Aunty.

The Obvious Aunty With 35 Cats. In which case you should run.