Wednesday, April 13, 2011

THE INCREDIBLE SULK AND THE LOVE SHOVE





The Incredible Sulk's biggest challenge to date has been to eat that last piece of Tibbs frankie without turning the front of his t-shirt into a chicken curry plate. The last annoying piece smirking at you, taunting you as it sits ensconced in its plastic womb.

And exactly as the evil, sadistic people at Tibbs with their stupid paper hats had planned, the biggest piece of chicken with melted cheese has sunk to that last morsel of frankie. But this blogpost is not about how I think the Tibbs people plan to take over the world by distracting us with impossible to eat last frankie morsels...

(At this point the Incredible Sulk's Imaginary Girlfriend thanks God that I don't hold a position of any power. Little does she know how upset the Big Boys in their leather chairs get when they don't get their morning dose of caffeine.)

So, the Incredible Sulk while obviously, not afraid of big challenges has never really been faced with a REAL challenge; thanks in good measure to Nature's wisdom of giving the weak, appropriate weapons to defend itself. In the Incredible Sulk's case, body odour.

So imagine when the Incredible Sulk's slightly underdeveloped brain was confronted with this concept of Love. At the best of times, three-letter words confound the Incredible Sulk.

You see, at the time when people's parents tell them,
"I hope you're using protection,"
The Incredible Sulk was being questioned,
"Why has the internet bill come so high this month?"

So at first when the Sulk (we already know how Incredible he is) felt this feeling in the pit of his stomach he thought it was his stomach's way of telling him that there definitely was something wrong with the Chinese bhel he had just consumed. And then the feeling moved southward and the Sulk KNEW it was his stomach's way of telling him that there WAS something wrong with that Chinese bhel.

So you see what I meant by confusing. The first time the Sulk felt the Love Shove, he wasn't sure if it was diarrhea or Love.

But worry not my lovesick confused puppies. Soiled underwear and Love are not connected. Unless...well...we won't stray down that path....

The Incredible Sulk HAS felt love, and although the aforementioned incident will not inspire confidence, the fact is you lovesick puppies are in love with girls way outta your league and you will listen to any Love Shove advice anybody gives you.

So beginning now...The Incredible Sulk starts his new segment called,

THE LOVE SHOVE

That's right. All 16 of my readers (Official ratings now put this blog higher than the "Where is Ricky Martin?" blog and "Is Virginia Woolf a canine sub-species and if so who killed them off?" blog) can now write in with their love queries and get rather unsatisfactory answers.

Leave a comment and I will get back to you. As the Incredible Sulk's Imaginary Girlfriend proves, he does know a thing or two about love.

Oh.

That's what they mean by irony.