Sunday, August 17, 2014


It is hard to explain how the Incredible Sulk is feeling at this point in time. There are probably words in the English dictionary that aptly capture the emotion...but I don't know them so I will subject you to a long-winded simile adapted from that 3 major motion picture book- The Lord Of The Rings.

I understand dear reader, that you probably chanced upon my blog completely by accident while you trawled the internet. That's entirely YOUR problem dear reader. You should refine your searches. Now that you're here, you WILL listen.

Picture if you will a Morgul Orc, working his way up the grimy crude wooden ladder that is Mordor. After years of toiling he's finally close to making Senior Assistant Scumbag, only to find that a small man with hairy feet named Elijah Wood has gone and dropped his ring in a mountain, rendering his years of toil utterly hopeless. 

Apart from red-hot anger towards small men, midgets and hairy feet, there is a sense of despair. That dear reader is how the Incredible Sulk feels. Except for the midgets and hairy feet part.

You see dear reader, the Incredible Sulk's sulking is largely due to the fact that Adele is just Neil Diamond with curves and that the world's grammar is quickly and surely disappearing down the shithole. And to prove my point, none of you buggers wondered whether shithole was one or two words.

All his life the Incredible Sulk learned the difference between a preposition and a proposition. And which would be appropriate where. It speaks volumes of the patience of the Incredible Sulk's Imaginary Girlfriend when the Incredible Sulk used a preposition instead of a proposition to prove his love for her.  

It unnerves the Incredible Sulk to see a 2 where to or too should be or the emoticon for a cow and poop for the word bullshit. Researchers at the (where else) Incredible Sulk's Incredibly Useless Research Department recently came out with a study that wasn't published anywhere. In that study dear reader, they believed they had found evidence that life had come full circle for humanity. From paintings on the wall and hieroglyphs in Egypt to actual words to emoticons or emojis. Decades from now when life from other planets land on Earth they will find polar bears standing on small floes of ice and semi colons and parentheses on communication devices and KNOW that they've found a lower life form. They will also find The Incredible Sulk's internet history which they should delete immediately. 
(No darling, those lingerie ads on the side are random)

You see, his whole life The Incredible Sulk has studied the works of Shakespeare and Deadmau5 intently. The former to improve The Incredible Sulk's English and the latter to look for signs of dyslexia, for the Incredible Sulk gets Taare Zameen Par vibes from the way he writes his name. Naturally Th3 Incredibl3 Su1k thought that studying the works of Shakespeare would automatically make him superior than everyone else. And that that would lead to better job prospects. That plan has gone to shit. Or as Generation Zzzzzz says...sh1t.

After killing Deadmau 1 to 4...

So now, like an out-of-work Morgul Orc, The Incredible Sulk must plod through this grammatically incorrect life. Probably stand by the side of the ride with a sign, "Will work for...THE BETTERMENT OF YOUR GRAMMAR! BOOYAH!

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