THE INCREDIBLE SULK's MOVIE REVIEW: SKYLINE

This is not your run-of-the-mill "alien invasion" movie. This IS however, you're run-of-the-mill "Aliens-wanna-kill-us-THEY'RE SUCKING MY BRAINS" movie. The Incredible Sulk recommends you carry one of those brown paper bags you puke in on turbulent flights. Oh yeah, this is that kind of movie.

The movie stars one hot chick, one guy who looks like that guy from LA Ink with his irritating pointy goatee, the black guy from Scrubs, and one hot chick you just know is gonna die.

Skyline is set in Los Angeles. I mean the directors couldn't possibly set it in New York coz Godzilla, King Kong, and those zombies from I Am Legend haven't left yet. Also that tsunami stuff that happened in 2012 (the movie, not the year) hasn't dried up yet.

One of the unique things about this movie is that you never learn the lead character's names throughout the movie. There is no arty-farty reason for this. It is not beacuse the filmmaker "wants you to have an emotional disconnect," or coz he wants you to "view the movie dispassionately, as though immersed in a world without right or wrong," or anything else grey-matter stimulating.

You don't learn the characters names coz they really don't get to complete their sentences.

For example:

"OMG, watch out behind you Lau_______and *FLOOMP* she gets her brains sucked out.

Another example:

"Be careful Ke________and *FLOOMP* she gets her brains sucked out.

Last example:

"You know I love you Ja_____and *FLOOMP* they ain't no sex scene in the movie

So you see, dear reader, while it may not exactly be a grey-matter stimulating reason, you, in fact get to see a lot of grey matter.

L'arrivée d'un train en gare de La Ciotat (translated from French into English as The Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat Station) is an 1895 French short black-and-white silent documentary film directed and produced by Auguste and Louis Lumière. This 50-second silent film shows the entry of a train pulled by a steam locomotive into a train station in the French coastal town of La Ciotat. It has one of the distinct honours of being one of the first moving pictures ever screened. It now also has the distinction of having more of a plot than Skyline.

Skyline is directed by the Brothers Strause. They sound cool, but they are actually pot-bellied and bald middle-aged men. But the Incredible Sulk is not judging. For the Incredible Sulk has a receding hairline and when he looks down he sees the makings of a beer belly, that grows at a slightly slower rate than the Incredible Sulk's pregnant neighbour. Worrying signs indeed.

But back to the Brothers Strause. The Brothers Strause are most famous in Hollywood for their visual effects, both brothers being expert visual effects guy things. With classics such as Alien vs Predator movies, 300, X-Men, Constantine and classucks suck as Titanic to their credit, the Brothers Strause are masters of special effects. Their ultimate achievement, according to the Incredible Sulk, would be if they find a special effect to help Keanu Reeves act.

And by act we don't mean, The Matrix, which required one emotion from Keanu Reeves - don't laugh.

Skyline is what happens when you give special effects guys like the Brothers Strause, a WHOLE movie to direct. Brilliantly realistic aliens, who have nothing to do. No "ET wanna go home" scenes here. ET just land on earth and kill.

If it were upto the Incredible Sulk, the Incredible Sulk would drag his imaginary girlfriend for this movie (which proves she's imaginary, coz no self-respecting girl, nor the most loyal, loving girlfriend would set foot inside a cinema that showed this movie). However, you should wait for it to come out on DV...err...okay, it's not coming out on DVD, so wait for it to come on TV..err...okay, no channel is willing to show this. Well, that's your bad luck.

As for the Incredible Sulk:
"Two tickets please"
"Yes for me and my girlfriend"
"What do you mean what girlfriend??!!??........