MODERN SAYINGS THAT YOU SHOULD SAY - Part 1

When life hands you lemons...
Throw them at people you really hate.

People who live in glass houses...
Should hire professional window cleaners.

Diamonds are forever...
And so are beer bellies.

A wolf in sheep's clothing...
We call them transvestites these days.

Strike while the iron is hot...
And you'll burn you hand.

United we stand, divided we fall...
Unless we're playing tennis.

The pen is mightier than the sword...
The idiot who said this is walking with a sword sticking out of his backside.

Don't count you're chickens before they're hatched...
What you can count is the number of omelettes you can make.

Don't be a dog in a manger...
Unless your name is Rover...And you live in a manger.

Too many cooks spoil the broth...
But the good news is, we can have MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA SEASON 2

First things first...
AND second things second. Yup. That's right. I passed 2nd standard maths.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
But sometimes you break up.

No news is good news...
Except if you're working for a news channel. In that case, I have news for you buddy. Quit.

An army marches on it's stomach...
An army of snakes maybe...

Boys will be boys..
We can change that these days you know...

Clothes maketh the man..
Have you ever trie talking to one of the mannequins at Marks & Spencer's?

Never judge a book by it's cover...
However feel free to judge it by it's MRP which unfortunately is ON the cover.

It's no use crying over spilt milk...
Buy tetra packs...

Keep your chin up...
As opposed to in you ass?

Never put off for tomorrow, what you can do today...

Unless you have to do it tomorrow.