Rakhi Se Swayamwar Tak

Raksha Bandhan. That time of the year when the inboxes of the agony aunts of the world are filled to the brim with messages from pre and post pubescent males who are confused about receiving rakhis from girls and women they "let's leave this blank". Its either, “does this mean we’re brother and sister now?” or “Should I not ask her out now?” or the clichéd, “OMG! My life is over!” Yes, the agony aunts have it tough, this time of the year.

Now, while this is an easy getaway for girls who want to get “that-pesky-boy-who’s-in-love-with-me-and-I-like-but-not-like-that” off their back, it DOES leave the male part of the equation slightly screwed up. Because here was this girl, who he was thinking dirty thoughts about and now by a simple “putting-on-the-wrist-action,” that girl has suggested that she and he have a “familiarity,” a word the originated from the ancient Latin word ‘famlianos’ that means “blood is thicker than water, so make sure you wash it away when you’re cutting that pig up.”

In the words of the baby pacifier shops of the world, “Come to me fools for I while provide thee with succour (or sucker),” I say to you rakhi bondaged males, the same thing. For the sake of being repetitive I won’t repeat myself. There are few means to deter the woman you love, placing a rakhi on your wrist, and short of cutting your hands off, I honestly can’t think of anything. So I seek the refuge of the sciences. Namely biology. Foolish males who slept during these classes and now weep, let me bring the light to thine eyes by shining a powerful torch into it and asking you make “aaaaa.” This is to see whether you are stupid. For unless you have the same mother and/or the same father, that woman of your dreams is not your sister. So go ahead and grow a pair men! Grow two pairs if need be! (If you grow three, even if you manage to get the girl who wanted to be your “sister,” I don’t see your relationship having a happy ending; and I see a nickname that has something to do with the Brady Bunch) And tell that girl how you feel!!

DISCLAIMER: The Incredible Sulk cannot and will not be held accountable for slapped faces and broken noses and that feeling you get when the girl says, “BUT I TIED A RAKHI FOR YOU!”